Genre: YA Contemporary Romance
Disclaimer: Reading is all about discovery, but this Book Review does not shy away from spoiling specific scenes as this is more of a look inside the good and bad of a book.
The Analysis:
This book came to me through a romance book description box that I’m subscribed to. I had never heard of the book or the author before then. And this book gave me all the feels to the point that I had too many lol. Let’s book review it.
Here’s the Blurb:
She just doesn’t know it yet.
Just like she doesn’t know a thing about the boy she sits next to on the first day of senior year.
He thinks she’s a brat.
She thinks he’s entitled.
Maybe first impressions don’t always last…
Because Connor Ledger’s about to save her.
He just doesn’t know why.
The hardcover book I had was an exclusive cover. It was quite beautiful, but reminded me of magical realism with all the sparkles. On the cover is a picture of what I assume to be the young heroine looking like she's in deep thought. If I had to choose the Amazon cover is definitely more accurate to the feel of the story.
Now The Story:
Book Info:
Pages: 326
Author: Jay McLean
Available: Amazon
The blurb listed above is absolutely horrible. As an author, I recognize it as the new age way to do blurbs to sell novels, but they don't actually tell you why you should read them. It just taps into an emotion, that makes you go, oohhh. I however, never would have picked this book up on my own without reading through a ton of Goodreads reviews first. But lets get into the story.
This book is angst galore. If the last book I read, Mourning Wood, had no angst. Heartache and Hope, wanted you to feel all the emotions. It was almost too much to the point where I wavered on my star rating because of it. The book made me feel like a crazy reader because I had just been asking for more angst in my stories and then I pick this up and instantly wanted less angst lol.
The hero in this story, Connor, is trying to get into a D1 college for basketball and transfers to a new school to increase his chances of being scouted. He's being raised by a single dad on a meager salary and its very much realistic life stuff on his side of the fence. Trying to fit in and make the team, etc. At this new school, he meets a hottie in Ava, but she comes with a lot of emotional baggage. And Connor finds most of the school and their small town treating her like the town pariah because of it. Low and behold, Ava's mom has PTSD from being a POW, and she has burns over half her face and probably some other undiagnosed mental issues.
The bullying from the school and the ostrazation from the community at large made me so furious. I was ready to swear off glamorizing small towns ever again in my novels. And then I had to take stock and remember that I rarely write small towns anyway. But this family was going through the unimaginable and their treatment as nothing more than crazy people is excused because its a small town and everyone caught the mom having an episode in a gas station years ago. How cruel?!
It recalled my own experiences with my mother in high school and elementary school as she had Schizophrenia. The only experience I have that came close to this was in my neighborhood elementary school. A student had caught my mother having an episode on the bus and I remember just being honest and answering questions the best I could, but the students were really supportive. If the guy was bringing it up to make fun of me, none of the students around us were taking the bait. And this was eighth grade, so none of that, you guys were still young and innocent then. Eighth grade is still within bullying years, heck, its the start of it. So these scenes of just unbridled selfishness from the students, their parents, and neighbors was just too much to read. I was so greatful for growing up in a big city and missing all that just by nature of population. And perhaps unfairly, it seemed completely believeable for all this to happen in a small town because of the inability to fade into the background in the very moments that you kind of need too. My high school was huge there was no way this was happening.
But these triggering instances kept happening. I hate to use the word triggered because I'm well over all this becuase how else could I bring it up in a book review so casually. But her reactions were reminding me of how I felt in the midst of my trauma. For instance, one scene, the heroine is burned by hot grease during one of her mother's episodes by accident. However, its clearly the moms fault because their litterally playing tug of war over a hot stove. The heroine, Ava's, reaction is downright saintly and heartbreaking as she just loves her mom through it. I never developed that sympathy bone. I don't think its okay for people with mental illness to cause the people sworn to help them undue physical and mental harm and its somehow okay because their mentally ill*. My mom got to use that excuse with everyone in my family. She may have never burned me with oil, but she scarred my soul and back then I never believed I'd get to a point where I'd just be past it.
And unlike the heroine, I weighed the option in my head, of leaving and going into foster care just for my own well being. Prior to those thoughts, she was deemed by courts to be stable enough to take care of herself. But by who's definition, not mine. But I felt like the evil I knew would be much better than the evil I didn't. And a part of me wished I was Ava because she was so selfless and I never got to that point. And I truly don't understand how she could not hate her mother or resent all the experiences that taking care of her put on her shoulders. Ava's strength was truly admirable.
But back to the book review:
Connor's father was one such person who actively hated Ava. For what though, having a mentaly ill mother. It was mind boggling. However he dropped two of the truest gems in the novel as the book went on and he came around to their relationship:
1) He called Ava out for staying with her sick mother against all reason. Bringing up the fact that it might not be as altrustic as she's making it out. It may just be a different kind of mistake. In the same way, Connor's mother leaving them in the way she did was a horrible mistake that changed everyone's lives.
2) He dropped some reason into his son's head, when he asked his son to consider Ava and her mother as a package deal. To stop behaving like you can have one without the other. And if you are planning for the future than you have to include what it means to support them both.
The book however, did remind me of why, parents don't want teenagers to date. Often times, Connor, just refused to hang out with the basketball team or attend normal high school functions simply because he wanted to hang out with Ava more. Sometimes, this got on my nerves. Like just go to practice or please, Connor, its just one party. It was like he got with Ava and she aged him by eighty years. If I was his father, I think the only thing about this situation that would have upset me was this small factor that he couldn't balance out basketball, school, and Ava.
My feelings were validated when the college scouts failed to appear and his coach said you have to take basketball more seriously and that includes bonding with the team. Its during these moments that we find out that the team itself if really supportive and should have been given a chance to be more so. Karen, the head cheerleader, is also kinda supportive. Lending itself that Ava may have unduly isolating herself taking the actions of the few for those of the many. But that's her choice in how she handles things.
Connor's father only appeared to be worried about basketball. Which brings me to the references frequently made to the movie, Love and Basketball. I'm probably the only black person in the world who didn't like this movie lol. So, in that respect I find this book much better. I think the care and love that these two characters have for each other came across much better than the chaos that was the relationship in Love and Basketball.
But unlike most people, (even those with people in their family with mental illness) I'm not going to give Ava a menal illness free pass. Connor doesn't ask for much, but the moment he needs her, she needs to show up and she needs to show up in a big way. So, when she fails him, I'm disappointed too. But not in the writing or the plot because this story made me feel everything that I have managed to put behind me and thats not necessarily a bad thing.
So what's the score: 4 stars. I took off one because it's definitely a slow burn and that's not my trope. The last sow burn that I loved was, Court of Shadows. I think I only loved that one because she was going through Hunger Games like trials in the meantime. As it stands with this one, we're just stuck with the characters feelings and it feels like not much is happening in the meantime, while we wait for the charachters to catch up with whats already in their hearts.
Story At A Glance:
Recommendation: 4 out of 5
Read Series Continuation: Yes
The Ratings:
Book Cover Appeal:
🍓🍓🍓🍓
Story & Narration:
🍓🍓🍓🍓
Romance:
🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓
Character/(s) Personality:
🍓🍓🍓🍓
*To mental health advocates who might be offended by my statement, now or in the future. My thoughts here are an attempt to be more clear. It is not a statement that the mentally ill should be treated unfairly or not given the chance to live productive lives. Instead, it is an anknowledgement of the unseen caregivers and children. No I didn't see or hear her demons. She did. But anyone living with a person with mental illness has to at least acknowledge that its like they imprint on to you. You experience the sleepless nights, the screams, the irrational train of thoughts, the constant fear, right along with them. The need to walk on egg shells to avoid another episode is so strong, no matter what that looks like that you avoid the most mundane of things just so they can be okay. And you never really know if there talking to you or if that current train of thought is the product of another episode. Until, you're questioning everything you do top to bottom to figure out where you stand because they cant tell you. Except unlike in the book, no one gave me a free pass to check out of life to give me time. And I don't think most people get that free pass either. I had to deal with all that and still get up in the morning and go to school and take that test and do my homework. And raise myself when it came to figuring out dating, sex, and relationships. This is also not an excuse. Its my willingness to expose myself, so another caregiver, feels seen. They cannot apoloize, so I will. I am so, so, sorry, they hurt you today. You can do this. If these were the cards you were dealt. You can do this and be good at it. But don't be afraid to set a limit and walk away and get that person better help if it starts to eat at your soul.
